Time For A Late-Life Crisis?

Posted: 10 years ago | By: Christine Somers | In: Life Management | Read Time: 2 minutes, 15 seconds


{New York City Stone Ponies}

I did not get to have a mid-life crisis. My ex-husband beat me to the punch, exiting my life and the lives of our children with the declaration that he was leaving for where "the whole shack shimmes" and a motorcycle. Somebody had to stay behind to take care of the kids and pay the mortgage and that somebody was me. I spent my mid-life crisis years being a working single mom and as any working single mom will tell you, there is no time for a hobby much less a mid-life crisis.

I have now learned that I have an opportunity to have my life crisis but this one is a late-life crisis. It is not triggered by the 40-year old's concern of where one has "got to in life" but bereavement, personal illness or injury. I can sincerely state that I have not wanted to participate in any life event that has the word crisis in the description.  While my tone may appear frivolous, I am reading with interest the research coming out about this topic. The idea that facing ones own mortality after the death of a parent is being officially branded as a crisis is vexing. 

Since my mother's death I have been going through a period of analysis and reflection but I wouldn't call it a crisis. A crisis is breaking point. An example of a crisis is having a mother who insisted on living alone but is suffering from mini strokes and is still driving. Now that is a crisis!  I mean thinking is now being labeled a crisis, really? Would my friends look at one another over a cob salad at lunch and declare, "Yes, Christine is having a tough time...she is thinking." Where upon another friend would reply, "I know I saw her just the other day and she looks terrible. All this reflection about living fully is taking its toll."

On the other hand, it is good to know that there are other people walking a similar journey. As human beings we want to believe our experiences are unique but we don't want to feel alienated from the group by our experiences. The tension is between feeling special but at the same time being part of the group. Maybe for me it all comes down to vocabulary. If the British psychologist who coined the phrase late-life crisis had labeled it a late-life transition, I would be willing to embrace the concept. I am in transition; I am on a journey from one stage of my life to the next. But crisis, no, I lived crisis and this is not it. 

Hugs,
C