I have jokingly said that life is “all about me” but in reality when you love and care for another person what happens in your life touches them too. While it was grueling for me to travel back and forth to Florida to care for my mother in response to each one of her health emergencies, it was draining for Marty to be left behind to wait and care for our home alone. When he dropped me off at the airport he would ask me when I was going to return. My standard answer was “I will let you know once I get there and see what is going on”.
After Mom’s funeral, I realized that Marty and I needed to reconnect. We needed and wanted to be a couple again after spending so much time apart. I suggested we take a trip together so that we could navigate “reentry”. That is the actual term therapist use when describing the process couples go through when coming together again after being separated. The longer the separation the bumper reentry can be.
The idea captured Marty’s imagination and for the first time in our relationship, he planned the trip from start to finish. He chose a charming B&B a little north of Camden, Maine and even planned several activities, including a sunset sail on a schooner. One morning we took the ferry over to the Island of Islesboro to ride our bikes and have lunch at the only restaurant/lunch counter on the island. For the most part it was a lovely time.
But our holiday was not without some tension. I had been away or preparing to be away for a year; my attention had been diverted from my business and my home. Even though it was my idea to take a trip, I found that I was restless to be home. At the same time, Marty was attempting to do all those things that we had been unable to do together for the previous year in one week. From 6:00 AM to 10:00 PM we were on the go. After 4 days in Maine, I asked Marty if we could go home. He understood and agreed but I do believe he was disappointed.
But a curious thing happened when we got home. Together we started to complete a long list of neglected repairs and tasks at the house. As our home was mended and restored we found that our relationship was mended and restored. We were able to relax, take in a movie or two and even find humor in our differences again. Finding our equilibrium took a couple of weeks but it was important to both of us to take the time to reconnect.
My relationships are important to me and I take care to cultivate and nurture them. It takes time and it takes focus but I know my life is better because of the effort I put into them. How do you reconnect with a loved one after spending time apart? What do you do to nurture and care for your relationship with those closest to you? I would be interested in hearing how you sustain the bonds with your loved ones.
