Feeling the Loss

Posted: 11 years ago | By: Christine Somers | In: Family & Relationships | Read Time: 1 minute, 44 seconds

Sometimes I forget she is dead. Mainly it happens when I am driving and I involuntarily think, “I should call Mom”. Then I remember; then I feel sad. It is not an overwhelming sadness just a fleeting shadow that reminds me that I can no longer talk to her. At those times, I call my sister.

Julia’s experiences are similar and she understands. We chat long enough to share our reaction to the uninvited impulse and to share an antidote-involving Mom. Our calls usually end in laughter and surprise at the phantom impulse that ambushes us during the most mundane activities.

I recall that months after my father died, I walked into a Hallmark Store to purchase a birthday card for a friend. It was the week before Father’s Day and the entire storefront was covered in Father’s Day décor. Midway into the store I realized I was going to lose it and burst into tears. The emotion came over me so suddenly and violently; I put everything in my hands on the closest shelf, turned and left the store.  I sat in my car and just sobbed.

Working through the loss of my mother has rekindled the feelings of loss for my father. I guess in my heart they are packaged set. But I believe the grief I feel is not just for the loss of my parents but over the loss of an era, the loss of my childhood. I was unprepared for this feeling; to know the people who were with me since birth are now gone. They are fully in my past; we are no longer creating new memories.

It is not easy to feel the sorrow but I have learned from experience that the pain will lessen and the good memories will once again come to the forefront. My life is good and I hold fast to the knowledge I have my parents to thank for where I am today.

Who do you have to thank for where you are in your life? How do you handle your grief?